


Even When A Flower Wilts, Love Can Still Bloom

by paraselene



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Hanahaki Disease, Language of Flowers, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance, Tragedy, Unrequited Love, hanahaki disease au, idk how to tag, jun minghao and wonwoo are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-24 16:52:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14359614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paraselene/pseuds/paraselene
Summary: Love is stupid, Jihoon thought, but here he was choosing love over his own life. Love was one of his major inspirations when making a song. Love made him happy despite his current suffering. Love made him feel alive. Love was something he didn't want to let go.(Just another hanahaki disease AU feat. SoonHoon)





	Even When A Flower Wilts, Love Can Still Bloom

Lee Jihoon hated the white walls of the room that currently housed him. He hated this plain hospital room with nothing but a bed, a television, and a couch placed by the window which framed a boring city landscape. There was nothing in this room that could serve as his inspiration. Staying at the hospital was boring him to death. He hardly had anything else to do except lie on the bed and sleep, eat the meals provided for him, and occasionally watch anime on the television when he felt like it. It became his daily routine, and truth be told, he wasn't really happy with the setup. The music producer wanted nothing more but to be back in his own studio and work on his music. His fingers have been itching to play pieces of melodies on his piano, but he couldn't leave. He wasn't allowed to leave.

Jihoon woke up irritated, as usual, at the thought that he was staying another day at the hospital.

"This really isn't necessary," he grumbled under his breath. The young music producer knew that confinement wasn't the answer. It will never be.

A sudden knock on the door snaps Jihoon out of his irritation. The door opens without the grumpy young man's permission, revealing a guy with chubby cheeks and a stupid-looking smile (according to Jihoon) plastered on his face.

"Hey. How're you feeling today?" It was Kwon Soonyoung, one of Jihoon's close friends and a professional dancer who was dropping by for a visit.

"I'd feel better if I can finally leave this place. It's boring here," Jihoon grumbled before he started coughing up red carnation petals further dyed to crimson with his blood. Jihoon clenched his chest with a fist while he covered his mouth with another. Soonyoung rushed to Jihoon's side and started rubbing the younger's back. The stupid smile Soonyoung had turned into a sad one.

"Is there really no way for you to stop loving him?" Soonyoung quietly asked when Jihoon's coughing had stopped.

 

 _Red carnation petals_. Soonyoung knew what those petals symbolized because the moment he found out that Jihoon had contracted the hanahaki disease, he looked it up.

 

 _Deep, romantic love_... _My heart aches for you_...

 

It was an obvious answer. There was no way Jihoon could stop—would stop—loving the man he considered his best friend.

Jihoon held his chest as he took in deep breaths to stabilize his breathing. Soonyoung held out some tissue and Jihoon took a few sheets to wipe off the blood that stained his mouth and hand. He ignored Soonyoung's question. Sighing, the older asked if he should call for a nurse. The younger just shook his head in protest.

"I'm fine." _Lies_. Jihoon was in no way fine. He was already coughing up blood with the petals. The deeper a person's unrequited love is, the stronger the poison the petals contained. That was the nature of the hanahaki disease, and as long as Jihoon's deep love for that person remains unreturned, his condition will just keep getting worse.

"I'll come back again another day," Today was not the best day to visit Jihoon, seeing how the younger just coughed up blood-stained petals. So even though Soonyoung had just arrived, he decided that he should leave already. Before leaving, he cleaned up the scattered petals on Jihoon's bed.

"I don't mind if you stay a bit longer. It's less boring with you around," Jihoon quietly says, looking away from Soonyoung. Although he would sometimes find Soonyoung a bit too loud for his liking and would occasionally think of the older as an idiot, he would never turn away the warm company Soonyoung brought. It added a little color to the plain white room he hated.

Soonyoung smiled at Jihoon's words.

"You should rest now, Hoonie. I'll come back again tomorrow, 'kay?" He gave a short, soothing rub on the younger's back before turning heel toward the door. "I'll call a nurse on my way out so they can check up on you and have your bed sheets replaced." Jihoon simply nodded, his head turned to the left in the direction of the door, eyes set on Soonyoung's back until the older has left the room.

 

***

 

Kwon Soonyoung kept his word. The next day, he was back at the hospital, sitting on the edge of Jihoon's bed and sharing stories he was supposed to tell the younger yesterday.

"So last time, Chan came in late, and he was probably in such a rush that morning that he didn't notice he was wearing his shirt inside out.  Myungho was gonna tell him, but Junhui and I stopped him. It was too funny!" Soonyoung went on, telling the story in a loud voice with exaggerated facial expressions and hand movements. Sitting up on his bed, Jihoon listened but seemed uninterested.

"Chan didn't realize he wore his shirt wrong until we were finished creating a new choreography. Junhui and I laughed so hard, but Myungho just stood there shaking his head. He was such a killjoy. Ah, our maknae is so cute!" Soonyoung was so amused with the story he just shared. He kept cooing over Chan, the youngest dance instructor that worked part-time at his studio, saying how adorable he was. Jihoon acted like he hardly cared about Soonyoung and his stories, but a faint smile crossed his lips.

"I envy you for having so much free time that you can visit me almost every day like this," Jihoon commented all of a sudden. "I can't even imagine how you're able to manage your dance studio properly."

"Yeah? Says the guy who told me yesterday that I could stay longer because he liked me being here," Soonyoung retorted while sporting that signature stupid _smile._ Jihoon simply feigned innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Soonyoung stares at Jihoon and chuckles while shaking his head.

"C' mon Hoon, you know how the studio works. I may be the owner, but it wouldn't function properly without Wonwoo and the rest of the guys helping me manage it," Soonyoung proudly claimed, thankful for the friends he shared his business with.

A sudden knock interrupts the two young men in their conversation, causing both to turn their heads towards the door.

"Hey, Ji. We're here for a visit." The opened door revealed two men standing, arms linked with each other and warm smiles decorating their faces.

"Seungcheol, Jeonghan hyung." Jihoon welcomes them with a smile and tells them to make themselves comfortable on the couch. The do so, taking note of how Soonyoung was there as well.

"We thought you were probably getting bored to death, so we came here for a visit. It's been two weeks since you were confined." Before continuing, Seungcheol glances at Soonyoung, who was still sitting on the edge of Jihoon's bed, before turning back to his Jihoon.

"But I'm glad to see Soonyoung is here," Seungcheol flashed a cheeky smile as if he was trying to hint at something. Jeonghan, who was sitting on Seungcheol's right, tugged at his boyfriend's arm as if he was telling Seungcheol to stop before the conversation becomes awkward.

"So, Jihoon, how have you been feeling lately?" Jeonghan asks, his face full of concern for the young music producer.

"I'm completely fine! The doctors are just overreacting. I don't need to be confined like this. I'm better off back in my studio," Jihoon quickly answers. Soonyoung stares at him with sad eyes, remembering yesterday's attack.

"I'm sure you're itching to make new music. You're such a workaholic and a music nerd," Seungcheol chuckles at his best friend's attitude. "But Ji, what you have is the hanahaki disease. It doesn't get cured easily, and you've been refusing to get surgery. Who exactly is the person you're willing to suffer like this for?"

"What are you gonna do if you find out?" Jihoon replies lightly, trying to sound as if the question didn't bother him at all.

"Well..." there was a short pause from Seungcheol. "I'm gonna knock some sense into whoever that person is because I really can't believe they can't return my AWESOME best friend's feelings. It's their loss really." Jihoon laughed, sounding a bit forced, at Seungcheol's answer. He found it hilarious. Really funny.

 

_It's you._

 

After Jihoon's laugh dies down, there was a sudden awkward silence that hung in the air. Seungcheol was confused at his best friend's reaction, Jeonghan only had sad eyes for him, and Soonyoung only kept quiet.

 Jihoon has never confessed to anyone who was the person that became the cause of his illness. To his friends, it's still a secret. Except for Soonyoung that is. But Jihoon didn't tell Soonyoung; the older had just guessed.

"I don't need surgery," Jihoon quietly answers. "It's not that serious. As I said, the doctors are just overreacting."

 

 _Liar_.

 

"I haven't confessed. They don't know I love them. And even if I did confess, they'll never be able to return my feelings. Things will just get more complicated then. Trust me." Every word stabbed at Jihoon's heart. He turns away from the gazes of his three visitors with hands clutching the bed sheets tight.

 

 _It hurts_.

 

It hurts because his love will never be reciprocated. It hurts because the person he loves was currently in his hospital room, genuinely concerned for him, but at the same time, his arm was interlocked with another. It hurts because Seungcheol was already in love, but it wasn't with him. It hurts because he wholeheartedly wants to support Seungcheol and Jeonghan, yet his illness show otherwise. It hurts because he is willing to put Seungcheol's happiness first even if it means he has to suffer like this.

Jihoon could be cured. Surgery was the alternative cure to his disease, but as a result, he would lose all the love he had for Seungcheol. Jihoon doesn't want that. For Jihoon, Seungcheol is the only one; but for Seungcheol, Jihoon will always be his best friend. Still, Jihoon wanted to live loving Seungcheol.

 _Love is stupid_ , Jihoon thought, but here he was choosing love over his own life. Love was one of his major inspirations when making a song. Love made him happy despite his current suffering. Love made him feel alive. Love was something he didn't want to let go.

Soonyoung never took his eyes off of Jihoon the entire conversation despite staying quiet as the younger spoke with their hyungs. He could see the pained expression his friend had made when he answered Seungcheol's questions.

 

_It hurts._

 

"Why don't I get us all some drinks?" Soonyoung offers in an attempt to change the topic and lighten up the mood. They all nod and thank him. Jeonghan then tries to start a new conversation, this time with a much lighter topic. Soonyoung stands up and leaves the room to buy the drinks. Before he does, he makes his way to the washroom. When he gets there, he looks at himself in the mirror. "You can't, Soonyoung. You can't." He tries to convince himself, shaking his head in an attempt to snap out of it, but it seems it was a bit too late. He starts coughing.

 

 _Purple lilacs_. First emotions of love.

 

***

 

It's been a week since Soonyoung last visited Jihoon. The last time was when Seungcheol and Jeonghan also came for a visit and was also the day he coughed up petals for the first time. He decided to lessen his visits because he didn't want Jihoon to find out. They were now in the same boat—their love to be unrequited as a disease wills away at their life.

Soonyoung was contemplating on whether or not to get surgery. He knew that Jihoon wouldn't be able to return his feelings. Jihoon loved Seungcheol too deeply that he wouldn't even try to look at someone else.

In the back of his mind, Soonyoung always knew that he had feelings for the younger. At first, he had dismissed it as something platonic, and as a friend, he was just concerned for Jihoon because of the life-threatening disease he had.

He never realized that when his eyes followed Jihoon every time; when he talked to him all the time; when he felt like his world had momentarily stopped when he received the news that Jihoon had the hanahaki disease; and, when he found himself visiting him at the hospital every chance he got, he was already deeply in love. Soonyoung wanted nothing more but to be close to Jihoon and always stay by his side.

That day, when Seungcheol and Jeonghan came for a visit, it was obvious to him that Jihoon was hurting. When Seungcheol asked who was it that was making Jihoon suffer, Soonyoung knew how that question pricked Jihoon's heart painfully. Soonyoung felt the pain all the same. He thought, _If only I could heal Jihoon's aching heart_.

 

_If only Jihoon would love Soonyoung instead._

 

As Soonyoung was lying down on the floor of his studio, sweat dripping from his forehead after a session of creating new choreography, he wonders how Jihoon was doing. If he could be honest, he'd voice out how badly he misses the music producer and that he's worried. Maybe he'd visit him today if he finishes this choreography that he has been working on quickly.

While Soonyoung indulged himself in a few more minutes of rest, a sudden storm of footsteps made the dancer sit up. Chan barged into the studio with a phone in his hand. Jun and Myungho followed behind him.

"Hyung!" Chan sounded frantic. "It's Jihoon hyung."

Soonyoung got on his feet and ran out of the studio as fast as he could, leaving the three behind. He didn't even look back to check if the three had followed suit. He just kept running. He wasn't even sure what had happened with Jihoon, but the frantic tone in Chan's voice gave him enough of a clue. The moment Jihoon's name left Chan's mouth, all he knew was that he needed to get to the hospital as fast as he could.

When he arrives, Seungcheol was there. He explains to Soonyoung that Jihoon's condition has taken a turn for the worse. The poison from the petals had already spread so much in his body that if he doesn't get surgery soon, his life could be in danger.

 

Soonyoung's world stops for a second time.

 

"This can't be happening..."

 

He asks if he could have a moment with Jihoon. He wants to try talking to the younger into getting the surgery. Seungcheol pats his shoulder and wishes him luck. "I already tried, and he's being stubborn," Seungcheol says with a tired sigh as he rubs a hand over his face. "I'm his best friend, but I couldn't convince him. Neither could his parents." Soonyoung catches the way Seungcheol's voice was close to breaking. Seungcheol sincerely cares for Jihoon, but if he knew that _he_ was the reason why Jihoon was suffering, things would become different. As Jihoon said, things would just become complicated then.

He slowly enters the room only to see a sight that made his heart ache as if someone was trying to crush it with a hardened grip. Red carnation petals were scattered everywhere. Bed sheets were stained with blood. Jihoon kept vomiting petals as he clutched his chest tight with both hands and as tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He was in so much pain.

"Jihoon..." Soonyoung calls out in a small voice. He walks towards the bed and sits on the edge, head turned to the left facing the younger. Soonyoung was trying hard to be strong. It hurt to see the one he loves suffer like this. He takes a deep breath to calm himself before continuing to speak. "Please have the surgery. You can't go on like this." Soonyoung was already begging with the way his voice sounded, low and weak. All he wanted right now was for Jihoon get cured.

"No," Jihoon answers without hesitation even as he coughed up more petals.

"He already loves someone else. Why can't you accept that!?" Soonyoung unintentionally raises his voice, frustrated at the fact that Jihoon doesn't want to let go of his feelings for Seungcheol.

"I can't!" Hot tears start to fall from Jihoon's eyes and the look on his face hits Soonyoung hard. "I just can't..."

"Why don't you try loving someone else?" Soonyoung's voice breaks at his own words, tears threatening to fall as well. Suddenly, he starts feeling a burn in his own chest.  Jihoon stares at him, eyes wide and surprised. There was a flurry of purple lilac petals. Soonyoung started coughing them up.

"Soonyoung, you..." Jihoon was at a loss for words. He didn't expect Soonyoung to be coughing up petals just like him. But then again, what did he knew about his friend's love life?

The dancer waves one hand in the air as his other covered his mouth. "I'm fine. It hasn't been long since I started coughing up petals," Soonyoung tries to dismiss Jihoon's sudden concern.

Soonyoung had nothing else to lose now that Jihoon knew he had the disease. It was now or never, so he decided to confess. "Lee Jihoon, I love you."

Jihoon shook his head, eyes looking down. He couldn't believe what was happening right now. Soonyoung loved him? Why and since when?

"When did you exactly start coughing up petals?" He asks, voice trembling, scared to hear Soonyoung's answer. "Last week, when Seugcheol and Jeonghan hyung came for a visit." Soonyoung flashes a sad smile.

"I've liked you for a long time, Hoon," Soonyoung starts. "I can't remember when I started liking you exactly, but all this time we've known each other, I always wanted to be close to you whenever I could. It just felt natural to be with you, to stay by your side, to see you smile." He huffs out a breath before continuing, "Seeing you happy made me happy. You make my heart feel so full."

Soonyoung cups Jihoon's face and makes the younger look at him in the eyes, "If I didn't like you, I probably wouldn't have noticed that the person you love was Seungcheol hyung." Soonyoung laughs, but you could hear the sadness behind it. The usual energy wasn't there. It was just a soft, forced laugh that tried to make light of the situation. "Nor would I have made the effort of visiting you here almost every day."

The sudden realization of Soonyoung's feelings for him slapped Jihoon harder compared to when he first started coughing up petals. Why did love have to be this painful? Jihoon was so sick and tired of it.

 

***

 

Soonyoung fell to his knees when he saw doctors surround Jihoon, administering various drugs in an attempt to stop the poison from the petals spreading any further into his body. Jihoon's wails filled the room, and it felt like a hundred pins stabbed at his heart.

The dancer had received a call from Seungcheol earlier that day, saying that Jihoon wanted to see him. Soonyoung took note of how Seungcheol sounded—he sounded a bit distraught. He got worried. He knew something was wrong, but he prayed on his way to the hospital that nothing bad had actually happened.

When Soonyoung arrives, Seungcheol was there waiting outside with Jeonghan. Jihoon's parents and their other friends were all on their way. Jeonghan had his head hung low, and Seungcheol's eyes were red. Soonyoung tried to think of nothing but positive thoughts, but when Seungcheol grabs him for a hug, it was as if a glass had shattered somewhere and his world stopped once more.

"Hyung, what's going on?" He asks, voice shaking.

"Is Jihoon okay?" Seungcheol just tightens his arms around Soonyoung, a gesture that seemed like an answer to his question.

"He wanted to see you," Soonyoung nods, fist clenched tight and eyes brimming with tears. When Seungcheol lets him go, he cautiously enters the room.

His worst fear was inching closer to reality, and all he could do was stand there watching. Soonyoung felt powerless and blamed himself for what was happening. Jihoon catches Soonyoung from the corner of his eyes and begs the doctors to give them a few minutes so they could talk. The doctors give in to his request but warn him that his life was hanging on by a thread, and he needed to be in the operating room as soon as possible. He couldn't delay it any longer, not when he was so close to losing his life. He nods, and all the doctors leave his room to give him and Soonyoung some privacy.

After Soonyoung's confession, Jihoon had asked the older to give him some time to think about it—to think about them. Soonyoung respected his request, but he also asked that nothing drastic should change between them because even if Jihoon wouldn't reciprocate his love, they could at least still stay as friends. So Soonyoung still kept visiting Jihoon every now and then, and the younger welcomed him like always.

Now that Jihoon knew of his feelings, he felt a bit more confident with his actions and subtly tried to win Jihoon's heart. After a couple of days contemplating, Jihoon had convinced himself to try and work things out with Soonyoung. He didn't reject any of the advances Soonyoung made.

Their friends had taken notice of how Jihoon had been smiling more frequently now compared to when he first got admitted. They still haven't found out that Seungcheol was the reason for Jihoon's disease, but they also had no clue that Soonyoung was now the reason for Jihoon's smile.

Everyone was still deeply worried about Jihoon because he still refused to have the surgery. Jihoon still loved Seungcheol and was still not open to the idea of losing that love. Soonyoung understood because he was in the same position. He'd rather not lose the love he had for Jihoon, especially now that he had been given a chance to save Jihoon from his suffering. If he could make Jihoon fall in love with him, then it could cure both of their diseases and Jihoon's love for Seungcheol would remain as a precious memory.

All of that seemed too late because Jihoon was on the verge of death and Soonyoung couldn't make him fall in love with him in time. He stood on the side of Jihoon's bed, crying and utterly speechless. His mouth kept opening and closing but nothing came out. _Why did love have to be cruel? Wasn't love supposed to be a reason for happiness?_ Soonyoung kept asking these questions as his tears fall endlessly.

Jihoon grabs Soonyoung's hand and caresses the older's cheek. "I'm glad you made it," Jihoon tried to smile even as pain seeped through his body, making Soonyoung's heart ache even more than it already did.

"Jihoon, I–" When Soonyoung tried to speak, Jihoon placed a finger on his lips. "Let me do the talking."

"I don't have much time left, and I don't even know if the surgery will be successful." A tear falls from Jihoon's eye, but the smile on his lips doesn't fade. "I'm sorry for putting you through so much, Soonyoung." Soonyoung shakes his head. He refuses to take in what was happening. He doesn't want to hear Jihoon's words because he sounds like he was preparing to part with him. There was still a chance—a small but possible chance of survival. Soonyoung wants to hold on to that chance.

When Jihoon sees Soonyoung refusing to listen to him, he grabs the older by his collar and pulls him in for a kiss. Soonyoung savors the way Jihoon's lips fit into his. He cups the younger's face with both hands and kisses back as gently as he could. At that moment, nothing else mattered, and everything else except the connection they had was forgotten. Time had stopped for both them, and if only it could stay like that forever. When they pull away for air, Soonyoung wraps Jihoon in his arms.

"I love you Soonyoung. I'm sorry it took this long." When Soonyoung releases Jihoon to look at him properly, the younger suddenly loses consciousness and collapses into the bed.

 

***

 

In a small room with cream-colored walls, Soonyoung sits on top of his bed and reads a letter that was given to him by a nurse at the hospital where Jihoon was confined.

 

_Dear Soonyoung,_

_It's been a month since you told me that you had feelings for me. Honestly, I was taken aback. I've only had my heart for Seungcheol even if I knew he would never love me back. But I wasn't lying when I say that I wholeheartedly want to support him and Jeonghan hyung. They're meant for each other._

_I never said this to you, but I'm always thankful every time you visit me here at the hospital. I'm sorry if you contracted the hanahaki disease because of me. I'm sorry if I can't easily let go of my feelings for Seungcheol, but most of all, I'm sorry I didn't look at you properly even when you were the one by my side all this time._

_I'm clearly aware that I'm dying and I don't have much time left. Even if I agree to have the surgery now, my body is beyond saving. Although this doesn't sound convincing, I want to tell you that I love you. I'm not doing this just because you have the hanahaki disease because of me. A person can only be cured when his love is genuinely reciprocated._

_You brought color to this plain, white, and boring hospital room. You've made my day, time and time again with your energy and warmth. You've cared for me more than anyone did and gave me love even if I didn't give it back. Thank you for saying that I deserve more and that I shouldn't be suffering like this. I could say the same to you. I'm sorry it took quite a while._

_I love you, Kwon Soonyoung. With all my heart._

_-Lee Jihoon_

 

The paper in Soonyoung's hand starts to get wet from the endless tears falling from his eyes. Soonyoung was too late. If he just had confessed earlier then maybe Jihoon would still be here. If he had realized his feelings much sooner, then Jihoon could've been saved.

Soonyoung's disease was cured because Jihoon was able to reciprocate his feelings, but what good was that now that Jihoon was gone? He clenches the letter tightly near his chest, treasuring every word written.  
  
"I love you too, Jihoon. Thank you for loving me back."

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, thank you for reading my work! Second, I'm sorry for any heartaches I may have caused.
> 
> I really had a hard time finishing this fic. To be very honest, I'm not satisfied with the final outcome. As I kept on writing, I felt like my creativity was slowly being drained that nothing was left for the ending part. I might edit this when I feel better about my writing skills.
> 
> Edit: This has finally been edited and proofread :)
> 
> Anyway, thank you to my lovely mutuals Holly, Dems, and Pam for always supporting me with my fics. Especially Holly. She was the one that encouraged me the most for this particular fic. I hope I didn't betray your expectations too much.
> 
> I have a lot of pending stories to write so I hope you'll look forward to my future works. You can say hi at my twitter: @paraselene_lune. I post updates and excerpts there about my works.
> 
> Once again, thank you and see you again soon!


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